current mood: I NEED A JOB MOOD. Is there such mood? Bahh.
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Wednesday, January 09, 2008
what I'm gonna say now might be contradicting what I've said in my previous post. It's not about telling lies or what. Its' a matter of I wanna keep it down low and it's only me who feels the pain and the only one who knows about it 'cause I really don't wanna make her look bad. But guess what? I just feel like I'm gonna explode sometime now if I didn't pour it all out in this boring blog of mine. The story's like this. Have you ever felt that no one in this world cares about you? Have you ever felt that your own Mum didnt even love you at all? Have you ever felt like as if you've been adopted and raised up in an unloving family? If you've ever felt that way then friend; we're in the same boat. I don't wish to blog about the whole family right here. Only wanna thank God for the presence of my 3rd(younger) sis in my life. I mean without her in this house, I would be like a walking stick - with no one to talk to, share my problems , etc. Oh please don't treat me like as if you can't see me Mum. You know it really hurts to actually have you treated me like that. What have I done? Sometimes I didn't even do anything that might hurt you, and there you go treating me like as if I'm invisible. Can you only see me when you need someone to talk to? Do you? Seems like whatever problems the 1st, 3rd, 4th child of yours have, you will always be there for them. But what about for me? I have problems in relationships too. I have difficulties in my studies too. I have friendship problems too. But have you ever sit down and listen to me talking and giving me advices? No, you haven't. You don't even care if someone cheated my feelings. You don't even care if I failed my tests. You don't even care if some close friends of mine backstabbed me from behind. I remembered one day when you and me ; talking to each other. That was like what... years ago. We both cried. I couldn't hold back my tears when you apologised to me about something. Something that we both know , been haunting me for all this years. It was a very painful history in which I wouldn't wanna recall at all. But everytime you didn't talk to me for few days, I couldn't help but cry and for that moment of time, I'm reminded of the black past. ITS still haunting me til now.It's already 18 years Mum. 18 years of it. I've had enough. 2008. Please help me forget those painful memories. Let's start afresh.
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